


Loved

by philosophical_fangirl



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula is my life, Azula is not insane, Gen, a new perspective, she needs to be understood, sometimes it's hard to see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:43:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philosophical_fangirl/pseuds/philosophical_fangirl
Summary: I am blind. Do you remember? You abandoned me. See my reflection, and with what I've become, do you still love me? Yes, because you're perfect and all our scars will heal.An Azula fanfic to help you see from her side of the story.





	1. Blind

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to write this new fanfic about Azula because she is my favorite character from Avatar: The Last Airbender and I can't help but feel that she's seriously misunderstood, so I wrote this to offer a new perspective to help you guys see that she's not crazy, but just needs to be understood. I'll be posting a new chapter everyday and I hope you guys can see where I'm coming from on this.

Insane, crazy, deranged; that’s what they called her. Those filthy peasants, didn’t they know who she was? What she was to the nation they lived in? No, of course not, they’re too ignorant to notice, they’re all just like her brother; insolent, oblivious and naive. No, naive was taking it too kindly, they were all idiots; each and every one of them. They threw her in this prison cell, this room they called “accepting and safe”. She saw in their eyes that they were still afraid of her, even in her strait jacket. They pretended everything was fine, that she was just another normal person who also happened to be in an asylum. She hated it. She hated them. She wanted to get out.  
***  
When everyone assumes you’ve lost your mind it’s easy to take advantage of an opportunity. For example when they make you drink a sleep-inducing drug that you don’t swallow, and they continue to take off your chains without checking to make sure you’re asleep, and when they free you from your binds and strait jacket as you spit out the drug and shoot lightning in every possible direction to make a bolt towards the door. As you can see it was rather simple to get out and they didn’t even have any guards surrounding her prison block. Wait, why were there no guards? Zuko, the guards always followed him whenever he visited the asylum and she knew why he was there.   
The alarm to notify the institution of an escaped convict finally went off. You think they’d be faster at alerting everyone with her in that building. She knew that Zuzu was there to see her, but that meant he couldn’t be far behind either. She continued sprinting towards the gates, but they were closing. She wouldn’t make it. She stopped and turned around to wait for someone to race down the courtyard and catch her, but no one was coming. How completely moronic these people are, they believed that if they stopped treating her like such a big deal she’d eventually give up. Don’t they know that it takes much more than ignoring to break her? She turned back around to view the gate; it was about ten feet tall. She could scale that. She turned around to see if she had enough space to jump, but she saw a figure coming towards her in the distance. She recognized the stupid hair, Zuzu. She paused. Did she really want to escape or did she just want to see him? If she made it out she would just storm his palace and request an audience with “the new fire lord”, so she decided to wait for him to come. It’s not like she had much strength to scale a gate or fight her brother but she could at least bluff. Zuko finally came close enough to speak but he just stared at her in confusion. 

“Aren’t you going to try and kill me?” he asked.  
“Oh Zuzu, you are naïve. Why would I try to kill you? You are my brother after all…”  
“Don’t lie to me Azula. I know you.”  
“Do you Zuko? Do you really? What’s my favorite food then? Do you know what my favorite color is?”  
“Stop playing games Azula. I know what you want.”  
“And what do I want dear brother?” She couldn’t help but ask. She didn’t even know what she wanted so she found it entertaining to think that her brother knew more than she did. 

Zuko paused and thought. He knew that his sister wouldn’t ask questions she already knew the answers to, so he assumed she didn’t know what she wanted. Azula took the pause as a time to laugh. Her brother really was stupid if he had to think for that long to figure out what she was thinking. He just stared in confusion at her expressive emotion and took the time to just keep his distance and try to figure out what was going on. 

“Do you know what I want Zuzu?” Azula cooed at him.  
“No.”  
“Aw, I thought you’d be better at these guessing games. Come on, try to guess.”  
“Do you want the throne?”  
“Yes, but you’re thinking much too vaguely Zuzu. What do I want at this very moment?”  
“Do you want to get out of the courtyard?”  
“No. Guess again.”  
“Enough of your games, they’re completely pointless.”  
“Pointless,” Azula asked in a sarcastic shocked tone, “are you calling my attempts at fun ‘pointless’?” Zuko sighed and loosened his stance.   
“What do you want then?” he asked exasperated.  
“Fine; if you really want to end the game that badly, I want… a hug.” Zuko blinked and stood there in shock.  
“You want a hug?”  
“Yes, a hug.” Azula opened her arms and smiled. Her smiles were never exactly reassuring, but they were smiles nonetheless. Zuko made no move towards her and just continued to stare. Azula lowered her arms and waited there.  
“Aren’t you going to fulfill my request Zuzu?” It came out tauntingly but she didn’t care. She didn’t know what she wanted and it was fun to make such a drastic request to make her brother look so confused. She decided to make her show even more confusing for her brother and started moving towards him with her arms out. Zuko panicked and she knew she had made a mistake. Zuko shot out a fire blast and Azula was quick enough to avoid it but she slipped on the slicked stone of the courtyard and fell, knocking her head on a rock and making her world go black.


	2. Remember

Azula opens her eyes. She’s on the floor in her old room. Her window is open. She never leaves her window open. She hears laughing. She recognizes who. She gets up and runs toward the door. She knows whose laughing and where they are. She’s heard this before, this happened before. She runs down the hallway to the courtyard of the palace, and there she sees them. 

***

Back when her mother was still around, she loved to take Zuko out to the turtle duck pond and just sit with him. She never invited or took Azula; she didn’t even remember she was there. Azula hated this memory, it was the day she was trying to spy on them while they sat, but she tripped on a rock and stumbled into their vision. She only stayed there long enough to see the looks of surprise and confusion on her brother and mother’s faces before she sprinted back to her room. No one came after her and when she got back to her room she fell on the floor crying. They didn’t want her with them when they sat, they were surprised to see her when they were happy, and no one bothered to follow her when she ran away. She was the child no one wanted and no one cared for. 

Zuko had always been the center of attention to their mother. He was kind, sweet, and much less violent than she was. Her mother thought that Azula didn’t care about her relationship with Zuko, that she was happy being her father’s favorite. Her father may have favored her over Zuko, but what kind of parent breeds their child to be a war machine? To feel nothing when they kill or fight, and lie when faced with anything? Her father saw her as a tool, not as a person; much less as a daughter. Her father did not love her, and neither did her brother and her mother was oblivious to it all.

She hated her family. She still hates her family, and no one cares. No one loves her, and if they did they have a horrible way of showing it. She was alone, she was reliving the past; the past she was so desperately trying to forget, and with that Azula fell asleep crying on the cold floor of her room.


	3. Abandoned

Azula opened her eyes to darkness. Everything was black. She couldn’t tell where she was or what was happening, it was just dark. She felt the floor she was standing on and using that as her only guide she began to turn around. She turned and kept turning trying to find something different in her surroundings to no avail, so she began to run. She ran in no direction but knew she was moving. She ran for what seemed like hours until she saw a figure in the distance. She did not recognize the figure until it was standing right in front of her, and even then it was hard to truly believe it. It was her mother. 

Azula, at the sight of her mother, was flooded with emotion; the most powerful of these emotions though, was rage. She was engulfed in such fury that she needed to speak, she needed to scream. Her mother had left her, she had abandoned her and for that she would pay.

“Why? Why are you here? Why did you leave me? Why are you trying to destroy me?” Azula screamed at her mother’s face, she needed to. Her mother had ignored her for far too long to ignore her now. She needed to be heard, and screaming seemed to be the only way to gain her attention. Her mother did not take the blow of her screaming, she only looked down at her daughter in pity. 

“Why would you think I’m trying to destroy you?” Her mother spoke in such calm, and soothing of a voice that Azula broke into a tangent. She began to scream, cry, and break down every fiber of her mind to try and understand what was happening. Could her mother be that blind? Did she not realize that she had abandoned her? Did she not remember all she had done to her?

“Why would I ever try to destroy you?” Her mother spoke and reached out to touch her face. At the contact of her hand her face began to burn. Her mother was burning her. She let out a frantic, agonizing wail and then everything went black again.


	4. Reflection

Uneven, tousled hair; deranged, frantic eyes; she did not look human. She saw it herself now, this is what she looks like. No wonder they were scared and worried, she was worrying herself. Why did she look like this? What had happened to her? Azula felt a stab, and she knew why. She had asked a question she already knew the answer to; she already knew what had happened to her. Her mother thought she was a monster, and she loved Zuko more. Her father doesn’t believe she’s human, and then her mother left her. Her mother left her… but she left Zuko too. She had left Zuko too…

This realization finally made it into her mind. She had left Zuko too. All of the things she believed Zuko to be weak for were centered on the pain he was feeling from the loss of their mother. What she had forgotten was that her mother was Zuko’s mother too. What she had forgotten was that Zuko loved their mother and wished for her acceptance just as much as she’d forgotten that Zuko was her brother.

When her mother asked her why she would ever destroy her, she meant it. She saw Azula as her daughter, and remembered it. She did not see her as a war machine, or as a deranged psychopath, but as a person; as her child. Azula began to cry, not the kind of agonizing tears from before, but tears of realization and regret to her ignorance. Her mother had left her and Zuko, but it was too late to ever try to heal the past; so once again her world began to fade to black.


	5. Yes

She saw her again, and she knew what she saw. To Azula that was what hurt most of all. She only stared at her, waiting for her to respond. She knew she had to do something; this would never end unless she did. So she spoke, and her mother listened.

“Do you love me?” Azula needed to ask, at least one more time. It was the only question she really did not know the answer to and was frantically trying to find out. The time to ask was now, this she knew, and her mother would have to respond, for she could not leave either unless she did.

“Yes.” Her mother responded simply and purely, for Azula knew that her mother could never lie. That’s why she had to leave all those years ago after the death of Azulon because she could not falsify her words. The trait that Azula possessed was entirely her own. She needed to clarify though; she needed to make sure that under any circumstances that her mother was not going to deceive her again, so she was forced to speak again.

“How can I trust you?” Her mother only looked at her with a sad, sympathetic smile.

“You can’t,” Ursa stepped closer to her daughter, “I cannot convince or force you to believe me, it’s a decision you have to make. I can only tell you this,” Ursa paused and reached out to touch her child’s face, “why would I ever hurt you?” With these words Azula understood, she understood her mother and all the decisions she had made to lead them to this moment. She reached up to touch her mother’s hand and shed a single tear. Her mother smiled and Azula smiled back, then she made a decision, a decision to finally trust her mother. She was finally loved, and she finally had a mother.


	6. Perfect

She was back in the castle. She was back on her floor. She no longer heard laughing from her window, but it was still open. She sat up and began to rub away the pools of tears from her face, but she heard footsteps coming. She decided not to move. She knew whose footsteps they were and that she needed to see them. The door opened and she saw her mother by the door frame. She was alone.

“Where is Zuko?” She sounded so weak and young when she spoke, but she needed to speak. It was her only way out of here. 

“I sent him to his room.” She responded.

“Why?”

“I thought you wouldn’t want to see him after what just happened,” she took an unsteady pause, “and I wanted to speak with you alone.” She sat down on the floor next to her daughter. She looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile. Azula knew that this was an invitation for her to speak, but she did not want to talk about the one memory; she wanted to talk about the memory of her mother, and of what she was to her for the entirety of her life: a monster. She inhaled and began to speak.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for blaming you for all my problems and having treated you horribly my entire life. I’m sorry for having acted like a monster when you needed me and I’m sorry I couldn’t be the perfect daughter you’ve always wanted and dad always asked for. I only hope that the pain I’ve inflicted upon you in the past can be healed and forgiven now.” Azula had taken a long time to speak those words and somehow she had begun to cry during. She felt weak knowing that she was crying, especially now when she spoke to her mother. 

She looked up to see her face; she too was crying, but not from sadness, she was crying over the words of her daughter. She looked happy, happier than she’d ever seen her before and her eyes held nothing but adoration for her child.

“Oh Azula,” she sighed, “you have always been perfect.” and her mother hugged her, so for the first time in her life, Azula hugged her back.


	7. Scars

She wakes up sweating, gasping and covered in tears as she jolts herself awake. She tries to sit up from her laying position but is forced back down from her immense headache. She reaches for her face and rubs the sleep away from her eyes. She looks around and realizes she’s in the hospital ward of the institution. She turns her head and sees her brother staring at her concerned from his chair. She sits up, slower this time and with a little more caution to her brother’s panic and comes to a full upright position. She stares at Zuko, he looks worried. He gets up from his chair and steps closer to her. He’s waiting for her to say something, she can tell. He looks like a scared mouse staring into the eyes of a feral cat. He can be so weak looking sometimes… but she still wants him here. She enjoys her brother’s company, even though she’ll probably never admit it. He’s close enough for her to touch and she whispers to him.

“Zuzu…” it only comes out as a hoarse rasp of noise. She coughs and reaches out to touch his face. It was the same place their mother burned her, and the same place their father burned him. He pulls away scared that she might do the same. She pulls her hand away in shame and starts to feel the tears begin to pool in her eyes, she lets them go. The have too many scars to show from their past and because of her, they have not healed. Her brother stares at her in bewilderment trying to fathom what had happened to his sister while she slept.

“Oh Zuzu,” she cried desperately gasping for air, “I saw her! I saw her! She was with me! She was with us again! She forgave me, Zuzu! She loves me, Zuzu!” she broke into more furious gasps and whispered with all the air she could muster, “She loves us.” and Zuko understood. He understood all that had happened while she slept and the reason for her sudden breakdown. He felt the same emotions she was, for she had finally realized their mother cared for her, that she cared for them.

Zuko sat down beside his sister and pulled her into his arms. He was hugging her for the first time in his life. Azula quieted her sobs and buried her face in his shoulder, she was accepting his affection. Zuko smiled at the realization of this and took in a breath; he finally had his little sister back. He tilted his head for his mouth to come to her ear and whispered to her the only words she ever needed to her, “I love you too.” For the first time in 15 years, Azula smiles too. For the first time in 15 years, she is finally loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment to tell me what you thought and I'll make sure to keep this story updated over the next few days. I hope you liked it!


End file.
